I spent this afternoon cleaning the majority of my equipment, which I went ahead and brought home with me Wednesday. I figured it would be less work to go ahead and all but one saddle pad, my saddle, bridle and girth for my last ride Friday.
Jack had a little rain rot from all the wetness from the previous couple of weeks, so naturally I made doubly sure to wash anything that touched him Wednesday very good in antibacterial soap.
In general though, I'm conscientious of germs passing from barn to barn, so I wanted to wash everything I could anyway before moving it to Goldsboro Equestrian. And I didn't want to bring dirty equipment out.
I washed my saddle pads (although several I hadn't used since I last washed them, thankfully), brushes, halters, leads...washed my tack box out. Just tidied everything up. Even washed my gloves and helmet liner.
One thing was rather touching though...I have in sharpie on my grooming box 'Jack of Hearts'. Every time I have washed my brushes and box, that name has come off and I had to re-write it. Today, it would not wash off however, no matter what I did. I decided to leave it. I will put a piece of duct tape over it and write the new horse's name over it, not to cover Jack up, but so I will think about what's under that new name when I get that box out. What's underneath...everything Jack has taught me, that I can apply to other horses in the future. I think it's very fitting, and if Jack could comprehend symbolic gestures like that, he'd be pleased.
On the other hand, I discovered Jack is now being leased by a 5 year old little girl. Off property - they are picking him up Sunday. I'm happy that things worked out for Jack and Patricia, but a little miffed that she decided to lease him out again. I guess she just didn't trust that I'd pick up payments again in December...I suppose in the horse world, it's understandable, but as faithful and honest as I've been about payments, I thought she'd trust in me a little more. It's just a rough couple of months for me. What can I say? I just wish she'd been a little less hasty.
I have questioned my riding skills. Maybe she thinks I'm not a good enough rider. She's been quick to brag to me how all the people who have tried him have done so well, canter both directions. Made me feel like she was trying to say his problems in the canter were my fault, because I was not a good enough rider.
It's whatever. Our ride Wednesday was no star-studded performance, but it was fun, and we cantered all around the field behind the dressage area. Just to do it. Just to go fast, feel the wind in our faces. Maybe I have held off cantering him for so long, HE is not confident with me as a rider? He thinks he will scare me? He thinks I don't want him to? He was hesitant at first. Then, it's like something clicked, and he was okay, because he saw that I was okay.
I'm just going to miss him. If he were younger, I'd scrap up $3,000 in a heartbeat, but it's just not a smart thing to do. It's just not. I need something younger. No horse comes with an insurance policy on their rideable life. But realistically, you realize you'll have more miles left on a non-senior horse. I'm not a millionaire; I have the money to have one horse, and I'm going to choose wisely and make sure that my money will be well spent. Both in the purchase, and in the money I will pay to upkeep the horse properly.
Right now, I'm a little hurt over some things, a little confused. I know some things I ought not to feel hurt over because I really have no right to be offended, but there's just a lot going on right now. I have a feeling it's going to give me the confidence to ride harder, ride better, and ride stronger later. The confidence, perhaps, to jump my first fence in 6 years since my accident.
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